I've had the chance to really look inside of myself and question myself and wonder where my life is going in all of this. I've had the chance to wonder how Ryan and I are going to make Christmas and the chance to talk to him about it. I've had the chance to cry, yell, laugh, love and miss. I've lashed out at God and have gotten angry at my whole situation.
But, you know what stopped me in my tracks this week? What really turned my focus around? A flower. A flower that wouldn't have meant much otherwise if it hadn't been sitting in a pot of mostly dead mum leaves. Frankly, I was shocked it even bloomed. And the more I stared at the flower, the more I could relate to it. Struggling to find that little piece of light and warmth left in an otherwise cold and hostile environment. Growing and changing despite it's circumstances. Overcoming. Trusting that it could bloom in spite of it's odds. Man, what a metaphor for my life.
What everything has boiled down to these past 2 weeks is trust. And how much I have lacked it. I need to trust that God is at work in my life. Trust that, given my circumstances, good will arise in spite of all of this. Trust that God has placed specific people in my life to help. Trust in my husband and that he can handle all of this hot mess over here (specifically, me)
I enter this new week better prepared and hopefully better spirited. I'm a big ol' work in progress but I at least feel like I have a grasp on something tangible.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon new heights
Habukkuk 3:19
It's great to hear from you on here again. Sorry you have had a rough couple of weeks.
ReplyDeleteI love the metaphor with the flower! Trust is so important and sometimes seems so illusive - thanks for reminding us!!
Amanda, you are such a great writer, words seem to come by easily for you. What a tribute to Daniel, he was such a beautiful child. I read your blog and it reminded me of my little brother who died at the age of 4 hit was hit by a car, the man who hit my brother used to call my mom for 25 years on the anniversary date of my brothers death, My brothers named was Ricky, so cute but so hipper. I was only 12 when he passed but remember the little things he used to do, I guess we never lose those memeries. Gary will enjoy read this Blog ty so much for shring. We wish you,Ryan,Jake,& Andrew a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
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