Monday, May 27, 2013

Things my children say-Memorial day weekend edition

When asked where each family member is Andrew will say the name and point them out. When asked where Andrew is, Andrew points at himself and says, "me"

Andrew kept asking for Pawpaw this weekend. When I told him pawpaw wasn't here, he said "Aw, man"

Jake was talking to Ryan on the phone and he asked if all the bad guys were taken care of. Ryan said yes and Jake told Ryan he needed to come home now. When Ryan said he couldn't just yet as there may be more bad guys to take care of, Jake proceeded to tell Ryan to put them in a room, close the door and lock it and then he could come home. {Isn't that jail? ;)}

We were blowing bubbles this morning outside and Jake told us that he was blowing bubbles to go to Daniel's spot and that Daniel's spot was everywhere

I was talking to Jake about how he could be whatever he wanted when he grew up and he said when he grows up, when he's 8, he's going to be a race car driver

Sunday, May 19, 2013

It's odd, this wax and wan of grief. On the days were I feel as if I'm supposed to miss you more, I can recall such great joy with you. On the everydays, my eyes are so full of tears because I miss you so much. #untilthenmysweetboy

***I do have to add that even in the hard moments, The Lord always extends a way to soften hard edges. Thank you to a best friend who brings beautiful flowers to a little boys spot and is comfortable sitting next to me sitting in the grass of a cemetery and letting me ramble. Thank you to a best friend who can move easily in to and out of my emotional swings. It was wonderful sharing lunch with you. 
And thanks to a husband who shares a love of sleep and is ok cutting our out-without-kids-time so we could relax at home. . And thanks to a Pastor that had a more than perfect sermon to put life in perspective and a worship leader that had all the right songs. It's in the everydays that tears fall and tears dry but my Lord is present in both.***

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

One thousand gifts

I started reading this book after a recommendation from my sister in law and in the spare moments I do have to glean wisdom from its pages has been so enlightening. It's really so far been about one deeply rooted word.
I know I've written of the subject before and I know my Pastor has preached on it specifically before, but to read the deconstructed meaning and have a word for a feeling is so solid.
 Thanksgiving. Grace. Joy. 
Thanksgiving. To be with thanks in every situation-good and bad. Obviously, it isn't going to be a poof moment and every situation in life is call for a shout out of thanks to The Lord; but to even be at a point to recognize struggles and hardships don't necessarily have to burden a heart is thanks to Him for sharing in our burdens and sharing His words for our wisdom. Almost 2 years into Daniel's death and I am still learning what it means to be thankful for his life, his legacy and His works through Daniel. I'm by no means perfect in my submission to Gods path for my life, but the respect I feel with the lessons I get to learn still; well, I am just so thankful for them.
Grace. Goes into my imperfections, for sure. I mess up. I am stubborn. I want what I want when I want it. It does make for a tug of war with my world versus spiritual being. I've definitely been hit over the head multiple times for the same instance before clarity has settled in. I've noticed, however, once I've moved out of the way or once I've accepted Gods plan, the results are always, always a beautiful end. And I know my heart molds just a little bit more into a heart glorying Him. 
Joy. I know I've very specifically had a moment of recognition for joy. I've felt more joy in my everydays the past month then I have in awhile. From the experiences of making a new home,to reestablishing family, to making a new bed time routine, to cutting grass with a riding lawn mower, to, most importantly, watching my husband breathe better and physically watching stresses unburden from his shoulders. I have joy in speaking of Daniel with Ryan, of watching Jake and Andrew laugh with such child like abandon while riding with grandpa on the ATV or walking the property hand in hand to explore or sitting by the fire where the warmth from the fire matches the warmth  filling my spirit. It's a beautiful gift, this life. I can only pray I continue to learn to shape myself to really be ready to meet up with God in the glories of Heaven.  

Sunday, May 5, 2013

In the business of making memories

I had this awesome blog written and it's totally gone. Gone. Oh, well. Here's a little of what we've been up to recently. You know, just making memories :)