It didn't occur to me until this past Thursday that in a few short weeks we would be entering a new decade. My mind quickly spanned the past 10 years and the life I began with in 2010 looks so very different than the life I am leaving at the end of 2019. Of course, growth is to be expected with just the mere act of aging. But for me, it feels like two different sets of life played out in 10 years.
So many wonderful and beautiful things happened; and then one really, really hard thing happened. I could certainly lament on that one really hard thing and I was going to, but then I looked down at my sweet daughter falling asleep on my arm, curled up and resting in true peace and worn from a weekend that was filled with so much love and laughter and family; it doesn't seem fitting to focus on such sad thoughts when such a beautiful season of life is now. I'm not saying this life is without challenges because there are many challenges, but if I constantly continue to live in the past I miss so many joyful moments occurring because of that past.
In one short hour, December 22 will be upon me. Like all of the years before it, Daniel's birth day approaches with waves of emotion. Some years, those waves crash harder and longer and some years it's more of a nagging rocking. This year, though, his birthday is very much an example of living while still loving and missing him. Those two truly can coexist. By continuing to live, nurture, and grow, his memory laces through it, and creates more purpose to it all. Daniel's life is why I live.
It is because of the Lord's loving kindness that I am not consumed by sadness, hurt, and grief because His compassion never fails. They are new every morning and great is His faithfulness...therefore I have hope in Him, and hope in life, and hope my whole heart will be completely restored one day.
Tomorrow I am going to choose to remember my firstborn by being with his family and with His promise tucked close. However the day plays out will be the one it was intended to be to while living and still loving and missing Daniel. And it will be ok because it's always going to be ok; I have faith and assurance in that.
Until then, sweet boy.
