Friday, September 12, 2014

Emma Rose

Emma arrived on August 27, 2014 at 11:01 PM, weighing in at 7 lbs. 15oz and was 20 inches long.  And is every ounce of perfection. 
With a pregnancy that was plagued by severe heartburn, sciatic pain, bladder discomfort and gestational diabetes, you were a welcomed reprieve. With a heart that still is battling hurt and stinging wounds from a little boy lost, you were a welcomed breath of life. With two little boys who would kiss and hug and talk to my belly, you were a welcomed little sister. With a Daddy who still had trouble believing you were a little girl, you were welcomed proof that I was right.
Ryan and I spent the day shopping and eating lunch and enjoying the quiet before we were to add another little babe to our lives. And periodically checking the time to see when we would get called in to induce my labor. Finally, we did get the call and headed into a moment that would change our lives forever.
From the very moment of my labor, there was a sense of love surrounding the room. Emma was ushered in by some of the closest people in my life and those that were most eager to meet her. Some of my favorite L&D girls celebrated her arrival and that made her delivery even more special. Aside from my impatience to get her here (when really, 8 hours isn't very long at all and I didn't really push her out) the day-and evening- went by fast. Pizza was ordered and texts shared as she had two very excited Aunts eagerly waiting. In a matter of 40 minutes as I watched-and felt- her move swiftly down, it was time to meet her. And I laughed so hard because I couldn't feel a darn thing. My epidural was wonderful in the sense I was the most comfortable I had been in 2 months to really aggravating because I couldn't move. (Contractions are no joke, people. I wanted to feel what they felt like and I sat at 4cm with my hips and thighs on fire, I decided it was for the birds and got the drugs ;) I got to pull her out and I couldn't help but stare at her face. I had so many emotions flowing thru me that I wasn't sure what to feel. So, I wiped her off and just stared. Her little face was slightly bruised and her little lips were swollen and she had a little 4cm swelling on the side of her head. She was the most beautiful sight. I couldn't wait to hear what she weighed so I was more then happy to pass her over and find out. She weighed as much as Andrew did when he was born. 

I think the true weight of what had just occurred hit me on post partum and I couldn't get over the fact that I was holding my little girl. I could barely sleep because I just wanted to look at her. And honestly, I still am processing it all. The transition has been good. Andrew has surprised us all and is taking to Emma so well. He is a helper and has changed diapers and gotten binkys and has been overall really good. Jake has been slightly more reserved but loves to look at Emma and pet her. He is more gentle in his affection whereas Andrew dives right in. Ryan is more hands on then off and it's wonderful to watch him take to her. So far, I really have only had one meltdown and that was when I was looking at Daniel's picture on my nightstand. It isn't so much that I am sad she won't physically know him (He is always mentioned in our house and we stopped by his spot when we were discharged so Emma could "meet" him), it was more of a feeling that it's been so long since I have seen him. But in terms of her "replacing" Daniel or making his life seem less important, it hasn't happened. In fact, his life is making her that much more important. Emma means whole; complete and her name truly fits her role in this family. 
This time around, I am really trying to enjoy my children and this season of Emma's life because this truly is the last time I will have an infant. For the most part, I am mostly ok with a house not quite clean and laundry not all done. And waking up in the night doesn't bother me at all. She locks in on my eyes in those hours and it's wonderful. Plus, my mom and Grandma have been such a big help with the boys and that helps the stress level. 
At 2 weeks, Emma is wonderful. She rarely cries, has alert times that are pretty consistent day to day. Sleeps 3-4.5 hours at night, takes breast milk and formula well and isn't bothered by brothers in her face. She is hardly put down and sleeps so peacefully. She is the loudest eater ever and "talks" all the time. She is still in newborn diapers and I would estimate her weight to be in the 8lb range.  Ryan doesn't think our boys were ever as tiny as she and he could be right. She does seem petite. I am betting she will still be taller then me though :) 
Emma has fit seamlessly into our lives and honestly, I couldn't imagine never having the chance to be her Mom. I cannot wait to see how a daughter and sister changes our lives and cannot wait to build a mother/daughter bond with her.