I deactivated my Facebook account. It's been a long time coming, but I finally stopped making excuses for why I "needed" the account and removed it completely. I cannot say I miss it one iota. The past few days Jake has taken to calling us Mom and Dad occasionally. It sounds so foreign to my ears and so grown up coming out of his little voice. How is it that he's going to be 4 soon? He's introduced his "guy" recently. He only comes out in the morning and Jake helps him get dressed. Today, his guy was going to stay in bed today because he was sick. He had a rough week last week at daycare and this week he's been an all-star. He even asked his teacher to write a note that he's "been listening". He practically burst at the seams to show us his good boy note. It's currently hanging on the fridge. I've taken to earnestly praying before even leaving the parking lot of daycare that kindness and gentleness grow in his heart-and patience to the teacher. Prayer helps. Andrew is quickly losing his little boy looks and settling into the toddler stage.  The height on that child shocks me-and I'm used to tall children. The joy that boy brings me is too special for words. He says his own prayers now, too. My most favorite times with him are after bath and before bed. We get the chance to hug and unwind. And I get a nice pat on the back. Daniel has been on my mind so much. I know it's a lot to do with moving. I came across pictures I hadn't seen recently. That ache will never go away. I read some sad news on a blog I've read for over 5 years. My heart aches for her family. The words I want to speak to her simply cant form on my tongue so I've been praying and lifting them all up to our God. There are going to be so many joyful events happening soon and it makes me so happy to feel the fog that had enveloped me so much last year is lifting so that I can truly enjoy some special moments. I think I am always so ridiculously bad at closing a post, and this one is going to be no exception. It is what it is, I guess. My eyes are starting to burn from tears and mascara. It happens when thinking of Daniel. The tears, not the burning (but it does accompany the tears when I do actually get the chance to put make up on, like today) That probably won't ever go away, either. As promised, since I deactivated my Facebook, here are some recent pictures of the men. The second one is my new fav :)

I had to lay down with Andrew this afternoon so that he could settle himself down to nap. Not unlike another brother of his that needed the same. Laying with Andrew and watching his eyelashes flutter to his cheeks and watching his mouth sigh with the release he was finally giving in to, my mind wandered to another time when I would lay with Daniel and help him fall asleep. I remember even taking a flashlight in once to read a book while he settled down. I can still feel the slipperiness of his water proof mattress under his Toy Story sheets and smell the scent of a little boy

We're moving soon. Very soon. To another home, in another county entirely. Most often when I think of moving, I'm excited at the prospect of building, planning, shaping a new future with my men. I am gearing up for more change. This time it is more about healing then the feeling of being torn apart from the inside. Our little family has made it almost 2 years in the limbo of working past the old to rebuild the new. God has led us through the valley, He has prepared a home for us and throughout, the chance to mourn, learn, practice patience and appreciate family.
Please pray for a smooth transition as our family, once again, reinvents a newer normal. I can't wait to share what God has prepared for us.

Photos from the phone

I've been absent from here recently. Life has been churning along and new developments rising. Babies have been growing. At some point ill pull it from my mind to here, but until, here are some photos from my phone