I am also trying to learn to allow Jake to handle more of Daniel's mementos. He is currently sleeping with an old football Emily and Tanner gave Daniel when he was born. I am really trying to understand that sometimes the tangible helps the memory and you know I desperately want Jake to always remember his big brother, so I am biting back the notion something will happen to the ball and allowing Jake the experience.
His shoes and his ball coupled with the changes and smells of a fall that is quickly approaching is really playing with my heart. Fall is a very special time for me and the early part always makes me miss him more. There are just some things that I don't know will ever get easier.
Thankfully, I've leaned it is far better to embrace what I am feeling then to push it further down. A good cry tends to make it less consuming and writing it down does, too. It's a good acknowledgment of what I am experiencing and it doesn't overfill my cup so I can go about with daily life.
And today is a good reminder to myself that I am only human.