Sunday, September 18, 2011

Word Vomit

I am here muddling around in this mess. I realized I hadn't given myself the opportunity to really REALLY think of this accident until today in Sunday school. I've been censoring myself from my thoughts. I tuck those memories in a box labeled 'for later' and stuff them into the darkest recesses of my mind. Sure, I've talked about what happened, but I've never listened to myself. This scripture was mentioned today and I felt like it was calling out to me. I may not be using it in the context that Paul originally intended it for, but it's exactly what I am feeling.

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law. Galatians 5:1

I have been a slave to the accident. Worldly law condemns me from moving on. "What a horrible parent" the world says. "How could they keep a loaded gun in their house with children?" "Why wasn't she watching them?" The enemy pushes those worldly words down my throat until it's suffocating me. Trying to make me fall and studder in my steps when I am trying to forge ahead. Preventing me from seeing what Christ is using Daniel for. And I'm sick of it.

It happened. For reasons that have not been shown to me. And might never be fully explained to me here. It's the most horrible, brutal, tragic thing that could ever happen in my life. And I could focus solely on that. I could wallow in my pity and my despair. I could. But what would that do for me? What could that do for me? Absolutely nothing.

Instead, I am relying of Christ to guide me through the muddied waters of my life. And it's muddy, lemme tell you. In fact, I know I'm going to get stuck in thick, dirty goop sometimes. I may be so stuck that it's going to take every available hand to pull me out and pull me through. But you know what? I am ok with that. God has placed some AMAZING individuals in my life and I know I can reach and grab their hand and trust in them to help pull me out. That is His promise to me*.

I am praying for God's love and support to free me from wordly laws. I am praying that everyday I can remind myself that I am not alone and that God is working great things in my life and those that surround me through Daniel and his life-and death. And I pray I can always remember that even when the enemy and the world has a hold on me.

*Isaiah 43:2


  1. Amanda,
    I am here for you. I am one of those hands that will help pull you out when you feel stuck in that thick, dirty mud. I am so proud of you for letting it out and striving to be free. Keep it up, sister. You've got the victory!
    Praying for you,

  2. You are an amazing inspiration! Thank you for sharing so much! My heart is with you! I will follow you on this journey!