Today was a boring day; and it was so nice. We all stayed home and relaxed and spent some genuine family time together. Ryan and I tried a new Xbox game (I don't recommend it; something about pinatas) Jake played hard outside and Andrew was so smiley. I got the chance to step outside of everything and enjoy watching my children.
Jake is growing so much. He has such an imagination and pretend plays all the time. If there was ever a typical middle child, Jake is it. It's odd, but over the past 2 months it really feels like I am seeing Jake for the first time. He was Daniel's shadow completely. I don't think I have one memory that doesn't involve the 2 of them. Whatever schemes Daniel was up too, Jake was never far behind. Usually the one doing all the dirty work, too. Daniel was smart like that. But now, Jake is having to completely reinvent himself. His personality has grown so much and the stuff he says will make you double over in laughter. He is a very easy going child and I thank God daily that He designed Jake that way. These past 2 months have been anything but normal and Jake takes it all in stride. He is a constant in my ever chaotic life and reminds me of why I am still needed.
I have only mentioned this to a few people, but Jake experienced something not many have. We were getting ready for nap time last Tuesday and I was tucking Jake in when he suddenly stopped talking and stared up at the ceiling. I looked around wondering what had his attention and asked him what he was looking at but nothing was shaking his concentration. As quickly as he looked up, he was back and exclaimed that "Brother is an Angel". How truly wonderful it was to witness God at work and in my son. Jake has such an innocence about him and for him to know that Daniel was there with him, and not be frightened, made my mother heart beat faster. And even greater testimony to God's love was that past night I had prayed over Jake that he know Daniel was still with him and for Daniel to protect him. If I were to be completely honest though, I was slightly envious that Jake could see Daniel and I couldn't..
So even though there are still many more bad days then good right now, these are the days that help with healing. The days that I can come back to and remember that even though my world feels shattered, there is so much love and joy intertwined in all of it. And someday, I pray, there will be more good days than bad.