I keep holding my breath expecting a breakdown at any moment. It is in 10 more days, after all. Inside of me, it's still ok. I'm almost nervous I am still ok. The tears still spring up, the hurt still stings my heart but I am still standing, still moving, still smiling, still living. I'm praying this is peace and not avoidance. I know what avoidance can do to me. Wreck havoc on my soul. The month of May still makes me sick. Trying to focus on Daniel and not how Daniel left. Holding my breath and waiting for his marker to be placed and hoping it doesn't break me to see it. Trying to stand tall and make it.