Sunday, July 15, 2012

Hairline cracks

A seemingly harmless sock puppet game with Jake turned my night upside down. The sock puppet was talking with Jake and asked how many brothers he had and Jake replied he had one. I wanted to cry right then and there. I get it, I do. He was 2 when it happened and hasn't physically seen Daniel in a year. He knows Daniel, but can't put together Daniel is also his brother since Daniel isn't here. He can still interact with Andrew. I felt like I had failed, though. I never thought I would need to remind Jake about Daniel being a brother to him. It's been both a blessing and a curse that Jake was so young when Daniel passed. I can only pray that as Jake-and Andrew-get older, it will be easier to explain they're a trio of brothers and not a pair. For now, I'll just keep Daniel a constant in our day to day and someday it will make more sense.
This week is looming with unknowns and I can only hope I can give myself time in the midst of a very busy, emotional week. Because tonight just wasn't how I wanted to start this week.


  1. Ah, I'm sorry. I know it's hard.
    You didn't fail!
    Hang in there. This week may not go exactly as you have planned but the Lord is with you every step of the way!

  2. I know that must have been hard for you. But I also know how diligently you work to keep Daniel a part of your boys' lives and that work isn't in vain. Those boys will know your mother's love for Daniel in a way they never would have before and they'll value your memories of Daniel as much as you do. Love you friend