I do thank God that Jake can still remember him. He still shares with Daniel, practices saying all of Daniel's name and will randomly mention something of Daniel (even though Rach and I still can't figure out what he was talking about when we were driving the other day). He also associates blonde haired cartoons with Daniel.
Andrew will know all about his biggest brother too. I make a point of showing him pictures of all 3 of them together and of Daniel separately.
Recently, (and this so hugely personal and I cannot believe I am sharing it but Sunday school empowered me and I have to share this testimony) I got down on my knees where Daniel had laid and I thanked God. I thanked him for holding Daniel, for holding us up, for giving us our family, for walking before us and making the planning come together so seamlessly for his funeral, for protecting us, for providing for us, for lifting the cover over my eyes concerning my self, for staying by me when I mess up me and for working on my family. It's taken me a long while to be thankful for all of this but it hit me that day so powerfully that all I could do was fall and cry out. I think that was a turning point for me. I felt released of added bondage. I have noticed my heart change more since that day. I know I can make it through the rest of my life because I have His support within me. And that is exactly how I am doing "all of this" .
6 months. My life has been turned around, back around, and turned around again. But I am getting there, I am making it and I am thanking God for seeing me through it all.