Thursday, November 3, 2011

One of the hardest parts of moving on is putting away the past. It seems so shameful that Daniel's life has been reduced to a box and placed tenderly away. I know a lot of you may think and possibly comment that Daniel's life can remain alive in my memories and I can honor him daily with my actions, and while this may be so very true, the sad part is that in moving on, I have to clean up the past.

We are in the process of gingerly thinking and patiently planning on moving. Throughout the week I have been rearranging and cleaning the house in preparation of the very first steps to putting the house on the market. I look around and think that all of my babies have been brought home here, Ryan and I started our life here, we've shared first Christmas's with all the kids here, we've cried and laughed and screamed here. Some days I worry that this isn't the path we're supposed to be traveling, but I've been praying fervently that if this wasn't a decision that was in the best interest of our family, God would make it known and shut down all paths except His.

And while it hurts to pack and sort and remember and store and reduce memories to storage, I can only hope that by moving on we are following Him and making new memories to ease the old. If that even makes any sense.

*As I was posting this blog, I got a text from a dear friend that had the words "God is good". Amazing that He can speak to me when I question the decisions that need to be made. Some may read this and think coincidence and some may read this and think God is gracious and good and some may read this and not give it another thought but after all that has happened to me and in my life, I can only read this and think sad things may happen and it may hurt but He is good and loving and continually with me.*

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