I've been so grossly neglectful on my blog recently. At first, I thought it to be because of lack of time or convenience but lately I feel it's more to do with some growth within myself. Before, when I've had a thought or problem or praise, I'd want to turn to the computer keys and pound out my words. Lately, I've been relying more on my prayer and personal conversations with God. It's been a deeply personal time in my life; possibly more so than when Daniel died. Then, it was so clear cut. My emotions, my self, could be so much more clearly defined. I knew I was a Mother, a wife, a person dealing with a really hard situation and trying to get by day to day. Now, so much more surrounds my being; more multifaceted decisions, more faith, more trust, more frustration. A give and a take back from God. And then another round of give and take-of my problems, that is. I still can't ever just let go; there's always something I think I can fix better than Him.
I was thisclose from a breakdown today that I could metaphorically feel my nerves starting to bend to snap. I needed something fast. I prayed wisdom would fall on me soon as hit play on a cd Janet gave me. As the soothing words played and I darted in and out of rain clouds, I could feel a release start to come over me and then I glanced out farther and saw His promise startlingly bold in my face. And in those moments, nothing seemed as impossible as it had just seconds before. I pray for peace and help and release from stress and He shows me He hears and wants to help as long as I'm hearing my words too. No more give and take. Instead, trust and release and steadfastness in casting my worries on Him. I'm slow, but I'm getting it. I'm less worried and more grateful for the lessons I'm learning and the comforts-however unconventionally but perfectly right for right now-I have to be thankful for.
I'm learning my ways just make decisions harder. I plan and write and rewrite and worry about the future when all I really need to do is lift up my worry and listen to instruction from Him. And focus on the today. I found a really good quote on Facebook the other day and it made a lot of sense.
“Trust the past to God's mercy, the present to God's love and the future to God's providence.” --Augustine
He's got me plain and simple. I've definitely had to strengthen and work out casting all my cares to him this past week but the burden already feels lighter.
So, no matter my situation in life; the new packages the same worry presents itself in; I have a God who will seek me out and make His presence blindingly clear if I chose to search for him.
Here are some versus that have really helped these past weeks. I hope they can give you some clarity if you're also dealing with some hard times right now. Remember that no difficulty is too difficult for him or too small to fix. He wants them all.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do and He will show you which paths to take.
Give all your cares to God, for He cares about you...after you have suffered for a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you and He will place you on a firm foundation.
God has given His promise and His oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope the lies before us.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven