Wednesday, August 15, 2012

For probably the last 3 weeks my heart has been in turmoil and my mind has been muddled.  No matter my place, change was inevitable to follow.  My old house, my temporary house, my job, my kid's routine, my routine.  It left me feeling worn out, temperamental, discombobulated.  One morning, I decided that I needed to start reading the Pslams in my Bible while the kids ate breakfast to try and get a routine back and a time to reflect before the day.  At the time, I wasn't sure why Psalms was the book I needed to read but by day 4, it was starting to become clearer.  And by Sunday it was more crystal and throughout this week, it all finally got through this thick skull of mine.
I've been worried about a lot lately.  No surprise there.  It started with a lot of changes happening at work.  Honestly, I'm still not sure why it had been effecting me so much; but more than likely due to the fact that I am stubborn and don't like being told I cannot do something anymore.  My attitude within was making me bitter and unhappy.  It wasn't fair to the others that have been trying to change my floor for the better to have opposition.  Even one person's attitude can hurt the cause entirely.  I prayed that God would undo this tension in my heart and allow peace from my job to settle in.  It was that day that I started reading Psalm 4.  Psalm 4:7 specifically jumped at me; most specifically the notes concerning the verse.  Happiness versus joy.  Boom. Mind blowing revelation.  Weren't they one in the same? Not even in the slightest.  It never occurred to me that happiness is a fleeting emotion.  It's flexible and deceiving and circumstantial.  It feels good; no denying that.  I find happiness in a good book, a cool breeze, chocolate, a special family day.  Before, I thought that was joy. It made me feel good inside, but each of those ends at some point.  The book is finished, the weather turns warm again, the chocolate gets eaten and life's chores must be resumed.  I started to get that concept and that left me wondering, what exactly is joy then if it isn't happiness?  I had no idea God was taking me on a life altering transformation with just one seemingly simple word...


  1. I've never compared the two or thought of them differently, thanks for opening up the idea and concept~ can't wait to sit down with my journal and pen and write out some things about both!
    Hopefully once more focus is put on the other 2 the worrying will shrink as well! I'll give that a shot too! I'm really done with worrying! :) I am sure you are too!

  2. You are on to something there.....