A few weeks ago I was entertaining the idea of working in pediatric hospice. Really, it was more of a curiosity of what was offered. I googled and came across two programs offered in St. Louis. What I found was something I never would have even considered. A perinatal palliative care program is offered through one of the programs. The concept of a group of professionals working with a family that is carrying a baby who is known to not make it through the pregnancy or through birth really stuck with me. Perinatal death almost feels like a taboo subject. People are afraid to talk or think about little infants passing away so early. And it's unfair to the families of those that will experience it. So often it feels like Moms and Dads that come in to deliver are shell shocked and have no idea what to experience or what to do once their baby is born. My heart breaks for those families.
This morning I had a preliminary interview for a volunteer position with the Wings program. Initially, the rep for Wings knew I was interested in pediatric hospice, but once we started talking about how I came across the program, I mentioned my real interest was in perinatal palliative care. The response I got from the rep blew me away. Apparently, this is a program that hasn't really taken off because there hasn't been that person to help. She almost acted shocked that I would consider volunteering to help the program. But her shock quickly gave way to excitement over the fact someone wanted to help. All along I was thinking, "how could I not want to help"? This subject is dear to my heart because of work.
As I left the building, I was nervous and excited and in awe. In awe because just this morning I had prayed that God would lead me in this venture. I prayed I could do something but also keep my family in priority. I prayed that He would use me to the best of my ability. And look where it's taking me. When I had returned to work, I had entertained the idea of looking for a new job but nothing ever seemed like a good fit. And lately I've been realizing that maybe my time as a Labor and Delivery nurse isn't done yet. Maybe this new venture in conjunction with my job is where I am supposed to be going. The possibility gives me goosebumps.