Photos from the phone Friday

Splash park fun

This is what happens when Momma is at the DMV for 40 minutes

"Princess Jake"

5:30 am wake ups needs caffeine

...And chocolate milk

Joy.

tidbits.

Moving day has come and gone and we have just a few more loose ends to tie up and we'll officially be done-and then on to house shopping

Jake and Andrew have taken to waking up at 6:00-or earlier!-so by 9am it feels as if my day is half over

I've not been on the computer in some time and it's been refreshing.  I'm realizing just how often it monopolized my waking hours

Having said that, I do miss my MAC

Andrew is turning more and more into a Daniel/Jake hybrid.  He plays hard and I caught him trying to figure out the baby gate above the stairs. Oh jeez.

However, he does come up with some really great Andrew "songs" He loves to make noise

I can never get out of the DMV in less then 40 minutes.  It's excruciating.

Living with people who have 5 day work weeks makes me happy I only work 3.  I may get ribbed by my family that I hardly work, but at least they now have an errand runner

I am not missing my house but it is sad to walk through the boy's empty rooms.

 I watched the boys play with Sophia the other day and I thought to myself that this is what I would be enjoying if Daniel were still here. 3 kids making a mess and having fun

Whenever I point out Daniel's picture to Andrew it's almost like he studies it

I want all of my family in one place.  I miss them.

In a 15 minute period while trying to get my 28 week baby on the monitor, I heard about a 13 year old killing a 17 year old, 2 teens getting shot in a park and a bomb threat at Walmart. And that is why I don't watch the news

Had a very engrossing conversation at 3am with coworkers concerning God, religion and relationship.  It was thought provoking and fun

Dark Knight Rises was an hour too long for me.  Still a good movie

I love my husband.  And I'm proud of him and us.

I've been too tired to even think recently; this is my poor attempt at blogging :)

 



Photos from the phone Friday

Photos from the phone Friday

Love.

"The heart says it all"

And that is what I said when we picked out Daniel's marker.  Some may get weirded out that I am posting a picture of my son's cemetery spot, but to me, this marker represents a whole year of struggles, hurt, sadness, anger, loss, forgiveness, hope, salvation, and promise.  To me, Daniel's marker is commemorating his life and what he meant to all of us.  

Back in February when Ryan and I went to choose the marker, we weren't sure what we wanted it to say or look like.  I just prayed that the perfect one would present itself.
We found that perfect one.  

It's simplistic but the depths of what it means to us entwines and magnifies the stone.  We chose the heart because anything else could not represent just how much he filled us with joy, love and happiness.  He had our heart, will always have our heart and will forever be a part of us.  I specifically wanted all of his name placed on it.  Daniel Robert Metz is significant. Ryan was the one that chose Daniel.  One of the first decisions he made for our boy.  Robert is after my Father.  My Dad was more than a Grandpa to Daniel.  He was one of Daniel's most favorite people.  And Metz is not just his last name, but a bond our family shares.  Ryan and I were joined together in marriage and created a family. Daniel is a product of our love and unity as a family.  The cross represents His promise to us.  His promise that those who love Him and believe in Him will have everlasting life and joy and will be reunited with family.  The cross is very much a part of my strength this past year.  

For me, his marker is a physical depiction, a final-well, marker-of our journey this past year.  Our first year of firsts is quickly ending and later we will move on the seconds, thirds, fourths.  No matter the time that does go by, his marker will always stand to represent my love for him.  I will always fight to keep his memory alive, will always embrace him as my first son, will never forget to utter his name or not share a special memory, will thank him, and God, everyday for saving me.  

I love and miss you so much, sweet boy.  We all do.  

Hairline cracks

A seemingly harmless sock puppet game with Jake turned my night upside down. The sock puppet was talking with Jake and asked how many brothers he had and Jake replied he had one. I wanted to cry right then and there. I get it, I do. He was 2 when it happened and hasn't physically seen Daniel in a year. He knows Daniel, but can't put together Daniel is also his brother since Daniel isn't here. He can still interact with Andrew. I felt like I had failed, though. I never thought I would need to remind Jake about Daniel being a brother to him. It's been both a blessing and a curse that Jake was so young when Daniel passed. I can only pray that as Jake-and Andrew-get older, it will be easier to explain they're a trio of brothers and not a pair. For now, I'll just keep Daniel a constant in our day to day and someday it will make more sense.
This week is looming with unknowns and I can only hope I can give myself time in the midst of a very busy, emotional week. Because tonight just wasn't how I wanted to start this week.

Photos from the phone Friday