Sunday, December 22, 2013

Happy 6th birthday, Daniel

I am struggling to write this letter, Bubby. It's hard when I think I am passing through another birthday with you; one that totals the amount of birthdays I did get to have with you. I miss you. A lot. It's not really even a miss of things that I am missing out on. It's more a miss of the things I know I would have taken for granted. Like how tall you would be now. Watching you get ready for school or interact with your brothers or cleaning up after you and doing your laundry. Sometimes I struggle with feeling cheated and not wanting to wish you back at the same time. It is in my heart that I know you possess a joy right now that is even beyond my comprehension. And that a birthday in Heaven must rock. So, it's in those moments where I reach deep inside and find small snatches of your presence here. 
Your eyes are in Andrew. Your memories are in Jake. You gave me my roses in my car when I felt so far away from you.  You are in every single song I hear singing of God. In your daddy's love for his children. In sitting near Grandpa and Grandma in church. In each picture that passes through my frame at work; bringing back so many good memories. You are there in the moments when I share opening and closing the garage door with your brothers. When I watch Jake pour over an Autotrader the same way your poured over the garage door manual. You are in my heart. In my words when I type. You are in my testimony to how great a God I have. You are in my prayers.  You are in each "like" on Facebook; continuing to show that while you may be gone from here, you are still real. You are in each egg I eat and sip of tea I drink. Just remembering all the times you dumped it onto your floor. You are there each time I get ready for work. Sitting there watching me and wanting to try my make up. You are in the monkeys on Andrew's bed and the football in Jake's room. You are there with each candle I light. You are sharing Christmas with us, placed on our tree. And you will be in each person closet to me today while we all remember how special you are on your special day. You have taught me so much, baby, and becoming your Mother was the greatest gift I have ever received.
I love you very much. happy 6th, birthday, sweet boy.


  1. We miss you Daniel. Amanda, you are such a gifted writer, you make us feel what you are feeling. We are praying for you. 2 Samuel 12:23 (NLT)
    23 But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.”

  2. Amanda - I love how you share your heart on this blog. :) We will always remember Daniel. Just think of the reunion in heaven someday! I am praying for you and your family! <3