It's been an emotional week. Frankly, I am so worn out from crying and grieving and missing Daniel that I don't even want to discuss it anymore. But, I will say this; I have felt such an embrace by so many people who have been understanding of my situation even while I am in the middle of this mess of a week and barely understanding myself. And Ryan. For just being there and giving me time to talk and then giving me a sense of a normal night. And for the grace and peace of God. Only He knows just how many times I have cried out for a break. One more "first" to get through before the next hits. None tells you how exhausting it is to make it through another day sometimes.
I have suffered much, O Lord;
restore my life again as you promised.
I will never fail you.
I will never abandon you.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day. In the middle of my breakdown my Mom, in a loving and caring but truthful way, sobered me up big time by reminding me I still have two boys with me to celebrate with. It's not like I ever forget they're there-they're my light-but I get so consumed with what I'm missing that it clouds what I have right in front of me. And what I have right in front of me are two very beautiful reminders of God's love for me and of Daniel's legacy. Tomorrow I will grieve not having Daniel by my side, I will spend some time visiting his spot and having some Mommy time with him, but, most importantly, I will celebrate all three of my boys and give thanks for this incredibly special gift I have been given.