Sunday, May 10, 2015

To my kids on Mother's Day

You made me a Mommy for the first time. We weathered a road where everything was new for both of us. You challenged me with your curiosities, your Houdini like moves, and your boldness. You were the reason I reflected on my self and the kind of Mom I wanted to be and allowing God into my life. You and I did a lot of growing up together and I know there was many a night where I went to bed feeling like I failed you. But I know with 100% certainty, there isn't a person on this Earth who loved you as much as me and would have fought for you as hard as me. You are now one of my protectors and you are evident in each of your brothers and sister. Through them, I can continue where you and I left off until we do get to meet again. I love you every day, monkey man, and especially on today when I have the chance to reflect on being your Mom.

My only brown colored, curly headed child. You are one of the smartest kids I know. And one of the most  talkative. Together, we get to experince a lot of firsts. Each day I am amazed at what you talk about and your skill set. And your ability to absorb information-especially about cars and dinosaurs and words. I find myself learning a lot from you. While you are very much into you and what can benefit Jake, you love hard for those that you chose to share yourself with. Especially your sister. You have such a kind touch with her and are the only one that can make her laugh the hardest and biggest. I am constantly evolving how to parent you and am learning some of the things that work better for shaping you. There have been days where I have cried for you; for how you speak to me about missing your brother, for trying to understand how to get you to understand good behavior, for wishing I could give you more of me. And then there are all the times you have shown me that I must be doing it because you are quick to tell me you love me and think of me often when you're coloring at school and for making me special trinkets. I love that you challenge me with all of your questions and I hope you always see me as someone you can ask anything to. I love you, Jakey, my special little second born big boy.

Oh Andrew. You are bigger then life. You are intense with anything you do. Loving, playing, fighting, sleeping. I find myself daily asking for grace and patience and often-too often sometimes-needing more of it before the day ends. You are unlike anything else I have ever experienced. Your biggest love language is touch and you crave physical contact. You give the best hugs and are one of the most helpful kids. You are one determined kid and speak your mind often. There isn't much one can do once your mind is made up. I love that about you; your strength. I used to call you my Samson because of your deep desire to love and your uncanny strength. I can't help but laugh at you sometimes when you get worked up and start talking; you little jowls start shaking and you try to form words but your emotions play so hard into your speech.  You are my comedic relief with a lot that you do and say. I don't know how I can love a kid so much and feel so worn out at the same time at the end of the day, but with you, bud, it's possible. I love you so much in spite of the challenges we face together, Andrew Thomas.

You are my littlest child, my only girl and my last baby. You make my heart sing. You are entertaining and talkative and give the biggest and best smiles. I'm sad when I have to drop you off at daycare and I cannot wait until I can pick you up again. Frankly, I'm surprised you can entertain yourself for a hour or even move because I never want to put you down. You are the most dear promise of healing and hope and I prayed often over you to have a kind and gentle spirit and to know your worth. Saying I love you to the moon is back doesn't even describe the distance of how much I care for you. I look forward so much to the bond we will have and I hope it's much like the one I share with your Grandma. You are bringing bit of sensitivity to your brothers and I know they are giving you a thick skin and together, I think you will do wonderfully. I love you, Emmy, to the moon and back. 

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