Friday afternoon I purposely stayed away from media outlets, including Facebook, because the thought of seeing the opinions and controversies and arguments of could have/should have/should do/shouldn't dos was turning my stomach. It's horrible enough to find out at work what happened and not be able to fully digest all the information and then have a patient ask how I would feel in a Mother's shoes over a death of a child by gun, and then go home to read people's reactions. I simply went about my day and that evening, while
wrestling sitting with my children at bath time, I really let the story sink in.
Maybe it's still sinking in.
To me, it isn't about a gun control issue, a mental illness issue, a breech of security issue (although, I understand this is a multifaceted issue that can-and is- touching all of those topics) but really, my thoughts were with those babies, their families, the faculty and the EMS team.
So quickly the media raced out to leech upon the news story, to count the number of casualties and measure this shooting up to others, to seek out those-kids-who were there at the scene to get a story, to speculate and rub their grubby paws all over and muck up a very private mourning session. Shame. Such shame. Life is no longer sacred. Money and fame is our treasure. In increasingly growing amounts.
One of my older patients really got me thinking. In my 27 years of age, this does feel like the worst of the worst, but she so soberly reminded me that in her 77 years of age, she's lived thru bad stuff. 50 years sets us apart, and bad stuff is still happening.
We, as a race, are not learning. We're stuck in such a bad place and we're reaping what we're sowing. I'm not the brightest, smartest, most educated on politics/theology/amendment rights, but I can see that whatever it is we're trying to argue and prove, is lacking. When does it stop? How does it stop?
I called out to my God last night in tears, hurting for this country, this world, those families, myself, hurting for Him who grieves as we do. We're letting one another down in a big way. When will our scales be removed from our eyes to see what is being created?