Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A post where I talk about running (dead serious)

I always told myself when I got an iPhone I was going to get the C25K app and the myfitnesspal app.  I got lost in all the gadgets my phone had the first week the I momentarily forgot my promise to myself, but then a Facebook post jogged my memory and I downloaded the apps.  I am now currently on week 2.  My first week with myfitnesspal.
It's fun.  It's revitalizing. It's tiring (but that really good tiring)  I haven't ran this consistently since high school tennis and my body knew that the first week.  But these past 2 days of running have been great. I am sore, for sure, but that push to finish and the deep flush of my skin feels so energizing. I make my run/walk my time.  I put on some awesome tunes, focus on a scripture passage and make it for me and God.  No kids, no husband, no worries.  
Today I even cried and ran.  It was good, though.  Cleansing.  It's hard not to get emotional when all I could think about was one of Ryan's Captain's daughters named her newborn son Samuel after Daniel's memorial card that had the verse 1 Samuel 1:11.  (And I needed to think of the engraving for Daniel's memorial park pet plaque. (I did and it's perfect)) I thought more about what the verse really means to me.  I thought about my heartache over not having him here. It hurts, but I have such a privilege of knowing him and knowing what God is using him for.  I feel quite honored God did entrust me in Daniel's care and gave him to me.  Daniel was never mine to have, he was always God's, but I was chosen to love him here on Earth.  Sometimes it takes awhile for me to even wrap my head around that.  It's like I have to push my grief bubble away so I can think clearer.  See truth instead of made up realities.  Oh, you didn't know grief can warp real life?  Yeah, it can for me if I'm not careful.  It's amazing the things you can think about long enough come to fruition in real life.  Scary, too. 
But God knew just how hard it would be for me to let him go, how difficult it would be to overcome his absence, but He knew I could get through it all.  And it's days like today that I surely need to document because the next month is going to play hard on my emotions and Satan will use that to try and make it the second worst time of my life.  
My gloves are on.

2 comments:

  1. Well said :-) Glad exercise is doing you so well ;-)

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